Patrick Burke,
O.Carm.
From all these
occasions and dangers God delivered me in such a way that it seems clear He
strove, against my will, to keep me from being completely lost, although
this deliverance could not be achieved so secretly as to prevent me from
suffering much loss of reputation.
Life 2:6
Throughout the
Church, St Teresa of Avila is readily acknowledged as one of the great
spiritual women who has come to the fore in the history of Christianity. For
the ordinary followers of Christ she is an outstanding figure of holiness
that continues to inspire people; and to encourage everyone who wishes to
grow in their closeness to Christ. But the fact is that the Teresa that is
known to most people is the Carmelite nun of fifty years and more who wrote
about the God who abandoned divine status, even becoming defenseless and
rejected, in order to present the love of God in our everyday world.
Her early years as
a teenager and particularly the first decades of her life as a Carmelite
nun, portray her as an ordinary person of her time with peculiar struggles,
but normal struggles, that anyone might have had to face. When Teresa began
to write the “Book of her Life”, she was nearly fifty years old. Because she
had been experiencing some mystical graces, which she tried to have
explained to her by “professional” expert counselors, she was obliged to
give an account of her life which reflected nothing more than one would
expect of a person of her time and society. She failed to describe the
mystical life she had begun to experience. Later she wrote in her Life: “For
a long time, even though God favored me, I didn’t know what words to use to
explain His favors; and this was no small trial.” (L 12, 6)
At the instigation
of Garcia de Toledo, an outstanding Dominican authority who seemed to know
her well and who received the first copy of her book, she included several
additional chapters. Later she explains this: “For it is one grace to
receive the Lord’s favor; another, to understand which favor and grace it
is; a third to know how to describe it” (L 17, 5).
Teresa gives a
clear account of her youthful years in her book, but it is in the hindsight
of her older experience and surely with an eye on the people who will read
it - the Inquisitors. We know from her biographers what she was like as a
teenager. “Cheerful and friendly whom people found pleasing to hear as well
as look at”. She admitted that when she was about thirteen years old her
religious fervor began to grow cold. She became more interested in romantic
tales of chivalry and in cultivating her natural feminine charms. After her
mother’s death in November 1528, she caused an upset in the family by her
affection for her cousins, sons of her aunt, Dona Elvira de Cepeda, and her
friendship with some relative, not identified, that would not enhance
Teresa’s piety. The vain company and dangerous enticements that she was
entangled in caused great worry to her father, Don Alonso. However, when in
1531 his eldest daughter married, he used the occasion to find a solution.
He entrusted Teresa to the care of the Augustinian nuns of Our Lady of Grace
in Avila. Teresa was sixteen at the time. She recognized God’s hand in this.
She says in her Life that “from all these occasions and
dangers God delivered me in such a way that it seems clear He strove,
against my will, to keep me from being completely lost although this
deliverance could not be achieved so secretly as to prevent me from
suffering much loss of reputation and my father from being without
suspicion.” (L 2, 6)
When Teresa was at
school in Avila, there was a Sister in charge of the girls who was gentle
and friendly, Dona Maria Briceno. A woman of deep prayer, she made a lasting
impression on Teresa. With reference to her, Teresa says: “I understand the
great profit that comes from good companionship” (L 2, 5) and further on:
“Beginning then to like the good and holy conversation of this nun, I was
glad to hear how well she spoke about God, for she was very discreet and
saintly” (L 3, 1). Teresa acknowledged that the influence of this nun was
such that she began to get rid of the habits that the bad company had
caused. She began to turn her mind to the desire for eternal things. Over
the year and a half that Teresa stayed at the convent school, she gradually
lost the resistance that she strongly felt within herself against becoming a
nun. In fact she began to recite many vocal prayers and besought everyone to
pray that God might show her “the state in which I was to serve Him”.
However fervent she appeared to have become, she states “I still had no
desire to be a nun and I asked God not to give me this vocation” (L 3, 2).
By the end of her time at school, the thought of being a nun was more favorable to her, although it was not for that convent because she
considered the virtues practiced there to be extreme. In her Life she states
that “I looked more to pleasing my sensuality and vanity than to what was
good for my soul” (L 3, 2).
Because she became
seriously ill, Teresa had to return to her father’s house. When she got
better, she was brought to see her sister who lived in a little town, not
far from Avila. On the way they visited her uncle, her father’s brother, Don
Pedro Sanchez de Cepeda. He prevailed on her to stay with him for a few
days. He was a holy man whose talk was mostly about God and the vanity of
the world. He asked his niece to read to him which she did, though she
admits that she did not like the books, although she pretended otherwise.
The few days she spent with Don Pedro made a lasting impression on her.
(Later he retired to the Monastery of the Jeronimites. It was there he
died). While the thought of becoming a nun was still not attractive, she saw
that the religious life was “the best and safest state, and so little by
little I decided to force myself to accept it” (L 3, 5). During the
following months she tried to convince herself that the nun’s way was the
best. Her reasoning was all wrong and her choosing was motivated more by
servile fear than by love (L 3, 6). However when she informed her father of
her intention, he flatly refused her. Even after her persistence, she got
his final answer: “After his death she could do whatever she wanted but not
now. His attitude was quite understandable since Teresa had been ill for
most of the time with high fever and “great fainting spells”.
Despite this
setback, she went with her brother Antonio when she was twenty to the
Convent of the Incarnation in Avila to see a Sister, Juana Suarez, who was a
friend of hers. She entered the following year to begin her postulancy, a
period of probation. What this cost her she readily recalls. “When I left my
father’s house, I felt that separation so keenly that the feeling will not
be greater, I think, when I die.” One year later, on 2 November 1536 Teresa
received the habit of the Carmelite Order and began her novitiate. It was a
moment of great joy. Of God, she says: “Within an hour, He gave me such
great happiness at being in the religious state of life that it never left
me up to this day, and God changed the dryness my soul experienced into the
greatest tenderness” (L 4, 2).
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